Guest Post by Bill- (Prequel 2)...Texas Draw

My friend Bill, who shot the western theme pics of me, is a multi-talented guy. Not only is he a great photographer, but he's a fun and entertaining writer as well. He sent a a ton of pics to me along with this fun exchange he'd written between Saint and Wash, in which Saint gets schooled in a lesson Wash is already wise to.

I told Bill it was great fun for me that someone was writing fanfic of my story...he said it was less about the story and more about the pictures of me dealing poker.

I liked it so much that I got permission from him to post it here. It's close enough to the actual storyline and characters, I figured heck, why not just post it as an actual story post instead of a fanfic? So for the sake of continuity, it takes place on the last run our boys took before story start, which would be about a week before Chapter One.

Anyone else interested in doing a little writing, don't be shy about contacting me. I might even post it if you like, as either fanfic or a guest post.

Oh. And by the way. My three year old is now going around telling everyone I ate penguin poop.



You look like hell.

I wish that was all it was… I’m gonna need an advance on next months pay - two or three dollars….

You got paid just last week!

I’ll pay you back. I work steady and you know it.

What happened?

I ain’t sayin’…..

You will if you're gonna see my money…

I got scalped and I never took my hat off.

Cards?

Yeah, Texas draw poker.

Don’t you know never to sit down at a game unless it’s with people you know? You’re a damned fool!

Well, I just got educated, that’s all.

How much did this education cost?

I ain’t sayin'….

You will, if you're gonna see my---

OK! OK! - for what the other nights schoolin’ cost, I ought to be a Perfesser or a Doctor, or sumpthin’.

HOW MUCH?

Dammit! - It was a woman what done it to me! How was I to know she could play poker like that?

Sort of dark hair - eyeglasses maybe?

Yeah, how’d you know?

Congratulations - that was "Shotgun Mary" that taught you a lesson. I heard she was back in town.

Well, thank-you for your timely warning. That her real name?

Hell no. Nobody knows her real name. She got that moniker guarding "special" shipments for a freight company in Wichita.

She had to be cheatin’. I got a mind to get my money back.

Don’t do it. The Commanche learned the hard way to leave her alone when she was ridin’ shotgun.

She can’t be that good.

Idiot. Don’t mess with a woman that can scare the Commanche. They even had a special name for her.

What was it?

I ain’t sayin'….. If I told you, I'd have to go to church for a least a month.

How’d a woman get that way?

Well, the story is that she used to have a nice homestead in Missouri, but there’ll be a noose waitin’ for her if she goes back.

What happened?

She got caught hiding runaway slaves and the local bushwhacker gang came by to show her the error of her ways. It got right ugly - She sent three of 'em to the promised land. Mary got out with nothin' but the clothes on her back, a shotgun, and ten rounds of double-O.

I really need that two dollars.

Why now? You can’t spend it till we get back home.

I’m going back to town and buy her a drink.




© 2009 Regina Shelley on behalf of Bill.

Smokin' Chick

As you can see, I've got a profile pic over there that features me playing a round of "poker" while puffing on a big, fat stogie.

My friend Bill came out here and shot a ton of pics of me for this blog. Just cuz. He correctly observed that I was dressed in clothing from the wrong period in the original picture. So he shot a bunch of very fun "Western theme" shots for me, which I will probably be posting here and there. It was a fun day.

I have to tell you about the cigar. Call it a cautionary tale, if you will. Or just laugh at me. Everyone else did.

Unlike some of the boys in the story here, I don't smoke. And I especially don't smoke cigars (I'm talking to you, Saint). Bill suggested we run up to the Wal Mart and pick up a cheap cigar for a prop. So, off went Marie (Bill's wife), my three year old daughter, and myself.

The clerk was all like "you're doing what with it?" She was amused that we asked for the cheapest, fattest smokes she had on hand. We ended up getting short blunts, at the bargain price of five for three bucks. That's economy, right there, folks.

So, not wanting to look like amateurs by having me puffing on a neatly cut, unsmoked stogie, I went outside to light the thing and puff it down a bit. I am the absolute, no contest, most incompentent smoker on the face of God's Green Earth. It was kind of windy out, the thing kept going out because I wasn't puffing it hard enough, the smoke was making my eyes water, the works. I had to really give it a couple really good pulls to get it going.

Let me state for the record, I was a Theater and Speech minor. I have had to puff a few smokes on stage before. Not a big deal. However, cigarettes are not cigars. This sucker was filling my mouth and throat with a horrible, cheap-ass, foul-smelling cloud of toxins that would probably kill the lawn if I exhaled it close enough to the ground. Oh, dear Lord it was bad. I started retching. I cannot believe anyone would ever do that more than once.

I'm on my hands and knees, eyes watering, gagging, and holding a burning cigar in my hand when I hear my three year old step up to me and say to Marie "Why is Mommy sick?" And then I thought to myself "Oh, NO! My child is seeing me smoke! I'm a terrible example!"

Then I had another thought: "No, she's not seeing me smoke. She's seeing me dry heave into the azalea bed while holding a smoke. I'm a GREAT example!"

But it's all cool. Marie told her I was sick from eating penguin poop.

It would explain the smell.

Jesse by Liezl Buenaventura

You know, this interpretation of Jesse kind of took me by suprise and I absolutely love it. I really like the jaunty facial expression, and the casual look of the pose.

I can just see him mucking out the stables with that shovel.

You have to kind of feel a little sorry for Lily, having an older brother who is prettier than she is.

Yeah, so, I got laid off.

But it's all good. I'm in a very good position to be laid off, compared to most, so I'm just gonna make the best of it.

It's not like I didn't see this coming. I did. The work just wasn't there, and I spent more time trying to look busy than I did actually busy. I really hate that. And I've been expecting it for about a year, to be honest.

So if anyone feels bad for me, don't. I probably enjoyed the last couple days far, far more than is seemly for someone who just got canned. Before last Wednesday, I had no time for my personal life. There's something terribly wrong with how you are living if there is no time whatsoever for yourself, your family, and who you are in your own life. After last Wednesday, the sun has been warm and I can smell Spring on the breeze. For the first time in years I could enjoy that sensation. It was something I could enjoy instead of it being a reminder of all the things I was selling for money.

I realize that my situation is not like many who are struggling in these hard times. I am lucky. My family will tighten their belts and we will try to make a go of living off my husband's income. I will pick up freelance projects where I can. I think we'll be okay.

Right now, my back is killing me. I've been doing laundry all day, tackling household projects and full time child care. I'm exhausted. The four years I've spend a cube-dweller has made me soft. I didn't have a hard job. I'm older and more out of shape than I've ever been and my back and legs are telling me about it.

I feel great.

As for The Five Dollar Mail, I am looking forward to having a bit more time to work on it. I mentioned in an earlier post my goal was to maybe post more often, but as you see it hasn't panned out that way. I seem to write in bites of about a thousand words, and that's been working out for me pretty well, but trying to do that more than once a week hasn't worked out up to this point. I apologize for that. Maybe I can post more often now, and that would be great. We'll see how it goes.

In any case, thanks for reading, and rest assured, I'm still here plugging away.

Fiona by Liezl Buenaventura

Here is a beautiful picture of Fiona by Liezl Buenaventura. This really captures Fiona's delicate loveliness and fragility. Thanks, Lizz!

Nothin' Like A Good Piece of Hickory....

Well, Saint and Wash are rumbling away towards Salt Lake on the stage, Tommy's off to Three Crossings, and here I sit Wednesday afternoon and am not quite ready to post our next chapter. However, fear not, I have not left you without the means to enjoy a little tumbleweed action at your desk this week. Here is something I hope you can relate to and expand upon. 

This may come as a massive shock to everyone, but most of my most favorite movies are Westerns. They don't even have to be particularly good Westerns, either, as you will see when I show you my list. They just have to be entertaining, and I have to like them for whatever reason. So bear in mind that my "Favorite Western Movies" list is not about quality. It's about me simply digging the flick. 

 So, in no particular order: 

 

1. Westward the Women, 1951 

Okay, well, maybe this really is my number one favorite, so I guess for at least this title, it IS in a particular order. If you like Western flicks, this is a must see. That goes double if you are a chick. I guess it goes double if you are a dude, too. Yeah. I can't do math. 

 Anyways, this movie is about a wagon train of mail order-brides going west to meet, for the first time, the men who they will marry. The trail boss is a seasoned, cranky cowboy who is not happy about his assignment. I won't give anything away here, just watch it. But know this: Considering that this black and white gem was made in 1951, the portrayal of the women is breathtakingly refreshing. They are real women. More importantly, they are real humans. They show immense power and strength, crushing pain and weakness, heroism, stoicism, determination. Their portrayal is one of respect and admiration. 

This is a character movie, plain and simple, and a spellbinding one that that. 

 2. The Cowboys, 1972 

Okay, the Duke is going to figure heavily on this list. I'm just being honest here. However, this is a bit of an unusual John Wayne movie in that...well...I'm not going to spoil it, but if you watch it, you'll understand what I mean. 

 This is another awesome character flick, and it's also in black and white. Without giving it away, John Wayne plays a trail boss who finds himself forced to utilize a crew of very young,very green boys to drive his cattle 400 miles. 

 

3. The Frisco Kid, 1979 

Think about this: Harrison Ford playing a gunslinger. Not much of a stretch. Gene Wilder playing a rabbi. Again, not much of a stretch. In the same movie? Yeah. There's your stretch. 

 This movie is a charming, hilarious, and poignant buddy movie. Ford plays a gunslinger trying to help a lost, terribly green rabbi who literally just stepped off the boat from Poland and is trying to get to San Francisco. This is one of those movies you just never get tired of watching. Wilder's repeated exclamation of "What a wonderful country this is!" is just pure gold in the context in which he keeps saying it. Although I would argue that every other line in the movie is "my favorite line." 

 4. Unforgiven, 1992 

 This movie is far, far away from being "the feelgood hit of the summer." It is sad, brutal, and kind of makes you hurt a bit to watch. I think the achingly human way all the characters are portrayed makes it into a masterpiece. The good guys are not good. The bad guys are not bad. Everyone is just tragically human. And the amazing cast pull this off with incredible realism. A cowboy violently disfigures a prostitute in a drunken rage. The girls band together to hire gunslingers (played by Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freeman) to avenge her. If that sounds simple...think again. 

 

5. Valley of the Gwangi,1969 

So we're playing putt putt down in Myrtle Beach, the husband and I. "Jurassic Golf", to be exact. We were actually talking about westerns, having seen Paint Your Wagon the night before over copious amounts of tequila (which, by the way, is an excellent way to watch that movie.). Having this conversation while standing next to this small flock of bright yellow fiberglass pterodactyls, he suddenly remembered something. He remembered Valley of the Gwangi. 

 So when we got home, he rented it for me. Let me tell you something, Constant Reader, I challenge you to find a movie that combines cowboys, Romanies, dinosaurs, and dwarves in a single offering. Seriously. No, really. I'm serious. I don't need to add any other description after that. Just watch it. 

 6. Rooster Cogburn, 1975 

This had John Wayne and Katherine Hepburn in it. Really, that's pretty much all I need to know. The Duke plays a US Marshal and Hepburn plays a missionary trying to find her father's murderer. Oh, yeah. And they're trying to recover a stolen shipment of nitroglycerine. 

 Yeah. I know. But you know what? The African Queen is one of my favorite movies of all time, so, that works for me. 

 7. Desperado 1995 

The first time I saw anything with Antonio Banderas in it, it was this scene. Steve Buscemi is narrating this crazy story about a bar fight to Cheech Marin (and that right there ought to be reason enough to make you want to see it), and he says "So I'm sitting there, and in walks the biggest Mexican I've ever seen. I mean big as shit. Just walks right in like he owns the place..." and it cuts to Antonio Banderas tearing apart a cantina. 

 Well, I was in love after that. This is just a fun movie. It's like reading a very good comic book. It's corny, campy, and...well...fun! It also contains one of my favorite movie lines, "Bless me Father, for I have just killed quite a few men." 

 

8. City Slickers, 1991 

You know, this is just a charming movie. It's about a regular joe who goes with some buddies to a dude ranch. In what I am now realizing is a recurrent theme with a lot of these movies, they end up having to manage the cattle drive themselves. Jack Palance is priceless as the scary trail boss. That's pretty much it for now. If I can think of any more, I'll add them. I feel like I'm leaving some out, but can't think of them just now. 

What I would really like is to hear which movies are favorites of others as well. When this subject comes up among friends, a lot of the same movies get mentioned. Got favorites? Send them in and I'll post a top choice list. Props to anyone who gets the reference of the post title. Thanks for reading!

Hellbender by Liezl Buenaventura

This was a Christmas present from my husband. Got two pieces of artwork instead of the usual one this month.

The pose is so 'Bender, as is the pleasantly thoughtful look on his face. I love the scruffy stubble.

Thanks, Liezl!